Nueva York

I’m conflicted.

It’s been so long since I’ve posted anything.  I guess I’ve failed brilliantly at the post a week challenge.  Go me.

I feel at once at peace and at the same time the most conflicted I’ve felt in a long time.

I’m sitting at the counter at Joe’s parent’s house, after enjoying a nice meal I  cooked for the family, and I feel content, yet still like there’s something wrong.  I don’t know what it is, really.  I know it gets worse at certain times.  I know there are times when I read a certain blog, for example, that I will feel worse about the way my day is going or how my life is panning out.  I knew, earlier today, when I looked at my grades that it would make that part of the day suck just a little bit.

And then we would get to do the days’ errands in Joe’s mom’s new Camaro convertible.  A 6-speed manual transmission.  That I would get to drive because I drove a manual for 5 years and have way more experience behind the wheel than Joe.  And that made me happy.  That’s how my life has been lately.  A quick up-and-down of happy and sad.


I emailed someone not too long ago with a problem I was experiencing because I knew this person had dealt with a similar problem and might be able to  help me.  Thankfully, they got back to me right away with suggestions that I found very helpful and I was able to put some of them into action right away.  When I replied to this person thanking them for their help and letting them know that I had followed through and what I had done and even opened up in a way that I rarely do, even to Joe, I got nothing back.  Nothing.

I know this person is busy.  I know this person has enough on their mind without worrying about my life and my problems, but all I needed at the time was just a reply along the lines of “It will be OK.”  Even if they didn’t believe it at the time, I would have.  I was at that point.


I don’t know why I’m writing now.  I should be enjoying what’s left of my vacation.  Listing to Max chew loudly on his bone in his crate and join Joe in the chair in the next room and that’s exactly what I’m going to do, dammit.

Viva, New York!


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